The honest truth behind newlywed life
The Good, the Bad, and the Boring.
I was sitting in my cube at work the other day, wishing I was laying on a boat dock with peach sangria in hand – envying all those people on Instagram who travel for a living.
And I realized something….
Don’t you think it’s interesting how we look at life like a highlight reel, when in reality it’s a series of snapshots? Together, they make an awesome collage, but separately, they just look like a mediocre photo.
I feel like that’s what I was doing with my marriage.
I looked at other newlyweds highlight reels and thought that that’s how MY marriage should and would look. I stalked Instagram and Pinterest for so long while we were engaged and I realized I created this monstrosity of an unrealistic standard for what real life what going to be like with Trent.
I’ve quickly come to find out that the saying is most definitely true: “comparison is the thief of joy.”
When you compare someone’s Instagram husband to your real-life husband, you’ll never be enamored with him the way God designed for you to be.
So, little background: Trent and I have been married just over a year.
And it’s been FILLED with wanderlust adventure and learning more about each other. But, it’s also been filled with hours of Netflix binges, unshaved legs, and eating scrambled eggs for every meal because #newlywedbudget
And in the midst of those unshaved, scrambled egg days I can’t help but boil over with discontentment when I see other couple’s perfectly white marbled countertops, expensive acai bowls on a Wednesday morning, casually sipping on their almond milk lattes and wearing expensive athleisure while casually strolling at the farmers market mid-day during the workweek.
But then I was like…. “wait a minute. what happens to the empty bowls, who washes their overpriced leggings, and isn’t that countertop just a poster board?”
I’ve noticed it’s pretty incredible what natural lighting, a decent camera, fake laughing, and colorful fruit can portray.
When I look at Trent and I’s life as a series of snapshots, I see: a pile of clean laundry on the couch, oatmeal now solidified in the bowl, an empty Q-Tip box on the bathroom counter, a halfway unpacked apartment, an AC unit that either freezes us out or causes our candles to melt (literally), and bare walls with great intentions of pictures being hung.
Those snapshots look boring, tedious, and messy.
But when I look at our first year of marriage as a highlight reel, I see: going out of the country together, witnessing our best friends get married, watching our tigers win the natty, singing in the kitchen, driving up the mountains to buy our first Christmas tree, snuggling with a bowl of popcorn, sunset walks around lake, and praising God together every weekend.
What a difference, right?
Even when I compare my snapshots to my highlight reel, I feel discontent.
So, I’m here just to shed some light on what our first year has really been like: the good, the bad, and the boring.
So, let’s start with THE BORING:
A Day In The Life…
Our mornings usuallyyy start around 4:30 am. We grumble to kitchen and brew up some Maxwell House and grab a banana on our way to the gym.
Where I typically do some form of a hiit workout while T does something in the scary men’s room. Then we rush home, scramble some eggs, put peanut butter on ezekial toast, and barely make it out the door by 7:30 where we commute to the wondrous Cubical Land for 9 hours of our day.
Then when we get home I usually eat way too much dark chocolate and tell Trent to hold me accountable to not doing that tomorrow. And our night caps off with us watching an episode (or 4) on Hulu (which ps current obsession is The Last Ship) and we head to bed around 9:30.
It’s quite the glamorous life.
But yet, you still always get those people in your life who sing your praises and tell you that your life is “perfect”.
Which, if you find that being a common theme in your life, maybe check your intentions and let people in on the truth.
But what others don’t see is the fact that as soon as we both enter the front door at 5:30 pm, Trent puts on old boxers and a T-shirt and I take off my bra, put on a sweatshirt, fuzzy socks and snack on way too much watermelon while we cook a random dinner.
Let’s move on to “The Bad”, shall we?
So. I’m aware that people might scoff at what I deem as “bad” but remember people: it’s only been a year.
We disagree and/or bicker daily.
Trent is Type-A and hates the way I load the dishwasher, I’m controlling and micromanage whenever he makes me dinner to make sure he doesn’t oversalt things or else I’ll be “bloated”.
Majority of our arguments are on the way to church on Sunday. And even sometimes on the way home from church if we’re feeling extra.
We usually eat an overdressed handful of spinach and granola bars for lunch because we don’t feel like meal prepping the night before. #health
I can’t even tell you how many date nights I’ve sabotaged because I hated the way my pants fit me or because I was complaining about how I’m not as skinny as I was in college (even I annoy myself).
I usually complain whenever Trent tries to kiss me because his 5:00 shadow scratches my nose.
Oh, and, there was this one time when Trent had to show me a “cool trick” with our new XL blender while making blueberry smoothie (in our all-white apartment). The ceiling will never be the same. Or Trent’s $100 wool golfing sweater.
I could go on for days, but I think you get the point….
How about we get to a more positive note? “The Good”
So I’m corny and I smiled at the thought of writing this part.
Like I’ve said before, Trent is gold. He is the salt of the earth. And I’m not just saying this because I married him.
If you ever meet him or ask someone who’s met him, it’s like he knows how to touch your soul and make you feel so loved.
Our favorite days are Saturday’s and Sunday’s because we always make pancakes or poached eggs on avocado toast.
It never fails that we go for a walk around our favorite lake. We’re both so ADD that we always have to be moving.
Our weekends are filled with trying new weird organic cafe’s and overdosing on caffeine and almond milk lattes.
He prays over me. He prays for me.
He rubs my feet and kisses my forehead.
He fights sin hard and holds me accountable for my struggles (which sometimes I hate him for but I can’t rant because we’re in the “good” section… so, TBD).
I listen to him belt out christian songs in his big white pick up truck as we roll with the windows down on our way to walk around Whole Foods just for fun (and to pick up mochi ice cream because #balance?).
Our life really is good, y’all. God has blessed us beyond measure and we’re continuously blown away by it.
I even remember last weekend as we both stood in our laundry room, he looked at me and said: “We really do have a good life, don’t we?”.
Like I said, I smiled about writing this part.
But then, I also found myself having a really hard time trying to think of things to put into words. Because all I could see what “the boring”. And I think that’s partially because we don’t allow ourselves to be present in times of “good”.
We have to actively fight to recognize “the good”.
As women, we’re always looking to tomorrow to improve our today so that we can be deemed as #instaworthy or #couplegoals.
So, I want to speak to those engaged or newly married, or honestly, even seasoned marriage veterans. And I just want to say: that we are flawed humans.
God never meant for marriage or our spouse to complete our happiness.
And when we make that the goal of marriage, we miss out on not only the gift of marriage, but the full gift of God.
It is only when we look to Christ to complete our joy and make us whole that we can delight in others.
So next time you’re feeling discontent with your relationship/marriage/or even just your stage of life (singleness or not) ask yourself: am I satisfied in Christ alone and looking to Him for my full joy?
- Am I seeking Him in all things?
- Striving to display Him in all that I do?
- Digging into the word when I feel alone?
- Or am I relying on my husband/fiancee/boyfriend or even my fitness and body image to satisfy me.
We must drink from the well that quenches our thirst.
Whenever you’re tempted to compare your snapshot to someone else’s highlight reel, step back and thank Jesus for loving you too much to not allow you to be fully satisfied in anything but Him.
Comment below some easy tips for girls to start loving the lives they have & stop comparing their lives to others.
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